Travel as an empty nester.

Travel as an empty nester.

When children are grown and live independently, essentially leaving the nest, the parents become empty nesters.  As children grow and become young adults, parents’ focus can now be more self-centered.  Parents tend to do things for themselves, and travel becomes more of a priority.  Traveling as an empty nester is quite different from traveling with kids and family.

Empty nester.

The empty nest syndrome occurs when parents experience loss and sadness as the last child leaves home.  When my youngest left for college, I went through a period of depression and felt a loss of purpose.  I had been fortunate enough to be a stay-at-home mom, and with nothing else to focus on, my life felt empty.  It’s part of why I started EbonyTravelers, to find and explore my purpose.

The realization.

When the children leave the nest, the ultimate understanding is that adult life is beginning, and life as a parent must also continue.  There is a realization that parents can start a new chapter after spending two or more decades focused on their children.  So, the idea of travel without constraints becomes a strong desire, and travel plans start to emerge.

The experience.

For many empty-nesters, the focus is on the experiences that travel gives.  For many empty-nesters, travel is no longer about just visiting places but enjoying the journey and the different experiences.  Now that the children are gone, there tends to be a bit more disposable income.  Travel tends to include premium travel and lodgings and involves more adult interests, like dining at more sophisticated restaurants and taking bucket list trips.

The destinations.

Once parents get used to the empty house, they look forward to seeing more of the world and visiting new places.  They no longer must coordinate with school holidays or family schedules; they are free to travel whenever it suits them.  Travel varies from beach getaways, romantic escapes, and African safaris to bucket-list destinations.  Travel destinations are limitless with more money to spend and more time on their hands.

My travels now take on all the hallmarks of empty nester travel.  I have more time to travel, so my trips are longer, my hotel choices are more first-rate, my dining experiences are more bespoke, and my travel is more premium.  I highly encourage travel as an empty nester.  Planning travel gives you something to look forward to and a great way to mark the beginning of the next phase of your life.  Take advantage of your time and resources to travel the world.  Have you traveled since becoming an empty nester?  Are you encouraged to enjoy that phase of life?  I’d like to know, comment below.

Vulnerability and the lived experience

Vulnerability and the lived experience

I focus on the lived experience because I don’t think people, things, and places become relatable until you genuinely experience them in real-time.  We currently live in a very picturesque world, and I see so many people trying to get the perfect picture to prove to the world that they have experienced something.  However, nothing trumps the experience, and it often cannot be relayed in the ideal image.  In the lived experience, you must be vulnerable, and a perfect picture does not show that experience.

Being a flight attendant exposed me to so many different people and experiences.  I remember people questioning my choice to be a flight attendant.  How could I spend four years in college to earn a bachelor’s degree and become a “waitress in the sky?”  The 23 years I spent traveling the world gave me more experiences than college ever could in hindsight.

I grew up in an immigrant family, and many of my early experiences came from being an immigrant.  As a child immigrant to the US, I remember not wanting to be different and accepting the vulnerability of being different.  As a young adult, I knew that my experiences were viewed differently and were unlike those of my peers, and it took me several years to learn to lean into my uniqueness.

When I first became a flight attendant, it was a time of genuine customer service and being “something special in the air.”  Flight service included champagne and caviar service, and it would take almost two hours to complete a dinner service with cooked-toorder onboard chateaubriand.

Vulnerability is admitting that the first time I had chateaubriand was on an airplane.  It was also the first time I had caviar, and I had been serving caviar for almost two years before I had the nerve to try it myself.  My regret is not having tried it on day one! However, I did not want to be vulnerable and try it in front of my coworkers.

But that was my vulnerability, and I learned through my lived experience that holding on to the vulnerability of not admitting my naivety was only to my detriment.  As airline services reduced year by year, I longed for the days of caviar and champagne service.  It’s an experience few will ever get to experience, and I had the opportunity to experience it daily and didn’t for many years.

What are you giving up by holding on to your vulnerability?  I promise you that the lived experience is much better than the picture opportunity.  Live and be proud of your firsts, because they will not be your lasts.  Have you been in vulnerable situations and learned from them? I’d like to know.

Being a “different” traveler.

Being a “different” traveler.

As a person of color, being seen as a “different” traveler is not a novel experience. Having “locs” (or dreadlocks as they are commonly referred to) and being able to occupy spaces where people of color are not normally seen makes me appear different to many and sparks curiosity. I’ve learned to embrace being different and to see it as a positive experience. Here are five ways you can make your presence as a different traveler a more pleasurable experience.

1.Smile. Even in the face of obvious displeasure, it throws off those who tend to see you differently. It takes less energy to smile than it takes to frown and often gives you a sense of power not expected. Most people can’t help but wonder why you are smiling when they think you should not be. Positivity wins every time.

2.Embrace being the object of attention. This is yet another way to remain positive in the face of being made to feel different. Enjoy reading or listening to a book, or watching a movie, if you prefer solitude. Sooner or later, your comfortability appearance will actually become real, and you won’t even notice the looks.

3.Be open to curiosity. I have found that being open to having conversations or answering queries that respect my boundaries to be more informative than invasive. I have had many conversations about my hair and have learned to embrace curiosity to teach my culture to people.

4.Embrace being different and love the skin you’re in. No two people are the same, and everywhere you go, whether the destination is local or international, you will be different from the people surrounding you, be it in features or culture.

5.Know that just as you seek to gain new experiences and knowledge by traveling, many others are doing the same. Traveling opens us up to new worlds, and to many, we as travelers are part of their experience. An open mind is the best luggage you can carry.

Have you experienced being a “different” traveler? Has it been a positive or negative experience? I’d like to know.

5 Flight attendant annoyances

5 Flight attendant annoyances

There are many things that flight attendants find annoying. Some are more annoying than others, and some may not be an annoyance based on the individual flight attendant. The following are some that I still remember as being annoying to me. For disclosure, these are from my lived experience as a flight attendant.

1.Coffee: Having been raised and based in New York as a flight attendant, if a passenger said, “regular coffee,” I understood it to mean coffee with milk and sugar. If they said, “light and sweet,” I like most flight attendants had no idea how light to make the coffee or how many sugar packets the passenger needed. Some passengers meant just a drop of milk, and others wanted half milk, half coffee. Deciding how many packs of sugar meant sweet to a person you’d never met was a pointless guess at best. Like passengers, flight attendants are people from all over the country and the world; knowing each passenger’s specific coffee requirements was most times an exercise in futility.

2.Aisle Passengers. Most passengers prefer aisle seats because of the ability to have a little extra room. This preference was often a perception that overlooked the fact that the aisle they assumed to be extra space was the flight attendant’s working space. Airline service carts could be a hundred pounds or more and somewhat challenging to maneuver. Weighted down with beverages or food to serve the number of people on board, often proved a challenge for a flight attendant to operate. Aisle passengers often extended their body parts into the aisle, and it was not uncommon for the cart to inadvertently hit a passenger. In many cases, the passenger got angry at the flight attendant without considering that the service cart was at least 3 feet long and even higher. Hence, the flight attendant seeing over the cart, and the extended body part was unreasonable at best.

3.Touching. Passengers often think it is ok to touch or poke a flight attendant to get their attention, which is often very annoying to flight attendants. A flight attendant call light is within every passenger’s reaching distance, and using this is much preferable than to be poked. Moreover, a hand wave or similar gesture is universal regardless of language. Having your body nudged several times a flight could be rather annoying.

4.Lavatory doors. They are not automatic, and standing in front of them will not make them open. Often passengers would stand in the lavatory area waiting for flight attendant instructions on how to open the door or be told whether it was vacant or not. Bathroom doors, like every other bathroom door elsewhere, has a lock. Unlike most bathrooms, airplane bathrooms have instructions, and most often, if not in the native language, there is visual signage. Along with signage, airline lavatories also have an occupied/unoccupied sign, which in most cases are red and green and are universally understood to mean the same everywhere. To be seen as a bathroom attendant is very frustrating to flight attendants.

5.Asking “where are we?” Flight attendants walk up and down the aisle, usually positioned several feet above the window level. Furthermore, like most passengers, they cannot pinpoint locations 30,000 feet above the ground. Yes, several landmarks are apparent to some, but flight attendants do not have the luxury of sitting and looking out the window on flights, nor do they have an inner GPS. Your guess is as good as theirs.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this glimpse behind the scenes. These are perceptions of my lived and actual experience as a flight attendant. I hope they’ve been eye-opening and will make for more happy travels.

5 Covid friendly hotel stay tips.

5 Covid friendly hotel stay tips.

Having flown as a career for over 20 years I have stayed in many hotel rooms and so the experience has taught me a lot about what to look out for in terms of cleanliness.

1. Check the hotel sheets. No one wants to sleep on possible dirty covid sheets. I can’t tell you how many different times I have gone into a hotel room just dying to shower and get into bed and found that the sheets have not been changed. If you do this when you first get into the hotel room, there is plenty of opportunity for the hotel to fix the issue before you are ready to go to bed.

2. Make sure the sheets are visibly dirty before you check out of the hotel and prevent any possible Covid spread. I think it’s just a matter of kindness to the next guest and just plain hygienic. Don’t feel bad as the hotel should automatically be doing this anyhow. I always wiped the bottom of my shoe across the sheets before I checked out.

3.Place a face towel or hand towel on the bathroom counter to place all your items on. Especially in this time of covid you do not want to transfer any germs to your face or hands. It’s also a visual reminder of anything placed on the counter and it helps in not forgetting items like jewelry in the bathroom.

4. Take an extra washcloth and wipe the toilet seats down. I think we all assume that the hotel room has been cleaned thoroughly but my experience has shown that the toilet seat is often overlooked.

5. Treat hotel room floors like airplane bathrooms and never assume it’s just water. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve passed through hotel corridors and seen the remains of a hotel room party gone wild. Let’s face it, the hotel does not have the manpower or capability to thoroughly clean hotel room floors, nor do they often have time between checkouts. Covid can be easily spread through bodily fluids.

I hope my tips have been helpful, check back in for more of my lived travel experience.

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